Is There Something I Should Know?
by xX-Misty
Summary: Set at the end of 3.8; exactly where and how did Keats get hold of Molly's scarf? What if things had been different and Alex still had one chance to get home? With only minutes to act to make it back to Molly who should she trust to help her, how can she find the exit that will deliver her safely to 2008 and how far will she go to make it back to her daughter? Probably a 2/3-shot
1. There's a dream that strings the road

_**A/N: Oh hello… Not back online properly or back writing fully yet but I *have* moved so that's one bit out the way! Broadband goes on tomorrow but it will be another couple of weeks before I will have the time to write regularly again and update my fics. In the meanwhile here's a big ball of angst that was supposed to be a oneshot but will probably end up as a 2/3 shot which honestly I have wanted to write since the finale but never had the guts before. It comes from the moment in which Keats hands Alex the scarf. For a moment I honestly thought that Keats was going to be the one telling the truth and Gene not quite the hero he'd been painted to be. The idea has changed somewhat since then but that was still the inspiration.**_

_**This short fic is dedicated to my amazing girlfriend who has helped me to embrace the darkness again.**_

_**~xXx~**_

As she reached the door of the Railway Arms and gently rested her fingers on the handle she seemed to hesitate. She could feel Gene's eyes upon her. She could almost hear him swallow nervously as he waited to see her pass through, but something was stopping her and she wasn't sure what it was to begin with until she looked down at the scarf in her hands. It felt real; the sensation of the wool against her fingers, slightly tickly, slightly prickly. The scent of Molly as though the woollen garment had been placed around her neck and shoulders just a moment before. There was a thought that struck her and one that wouldn't leave her alone.

Very slowly she retracted her hand and turned around. Her eyes fell upon Keats, still standing there; lurking, trying to regroup and recover from the punch delivered to his face. Her eyes met his. She almost couldn't convince her vocal chords to kick into action but she finally spoke.

"Where did you get this?" she whispered.

Keats's expression changed in a heartbeat. A spark of hope crossed his face and he stumbled a little forward as he breathed,

"I told you, Alex. You are still alive out there. There's something that's been holding you back. Some_one_ who's been holding you back. That's Molly's. She's waiting for you." he watched Alex's devastated face turn downward to regard the garment again. "That's her scarf. You can tell, can't you, Alex? By her scent. By the feeling you get from holding it. Mother's intuition, am I right?"

Alex said nothing, her mind trying hard to block out the worries and the fears that were coming to her. Very slowly her eyes turned to Gene. He looked stricken and every bit as scared and lost as he had been the moment she uncovered the remains of his remains at Farringfield Green.

"Where did he get this, Gene?" she whispered as she clutched it tightly. She waited for him to reply. He _had _to respond, surely. After the intense, intimate moment that had just passed between them he'd have to give her the truth. She waited for it but it never came. "Gene, where did he _get _this?" she watched him set his jaw firmly; the action that spoke volumes, the motion that shut down any conversation before it even began, but this time he wasn't going to get away with it. "_Answer _me, Gene," she demanded as she took a step toward him, "tell me where he got this. This is Molly's. It's hers. It's not just a scarf that looks like hers, Gene, I can smell her, I can… can f-feel her…"

As she clutched it in her hands she took another step forward, a lunge that looked almost threatening to Gene. He shuffled back just a smidgen and looked not quite at her as he finally spoke.

"Some answers you don't need to know, Bolly," he said.

Alex felt her heart sink so hard and so fast that she felt quite sure it literally fell out of her chest, into her stomach. She swallowed and licked her dry lips but it made little difference. She moved forward a little more and stared him down for the first time in her life.

"I want to know, Gene," she told him, "I _need _to."

"Go on, Gene, answer her," Keats strolled amiably towards them, hands in his pockets and a smile across his face. "Don't keep the lady waiting." His smile turned almost instantaneously into a sneer, "you've already made her wait three years. Now tell her the truth and let the poor girl go home."

Alex trembled as she turned from Keats to Gene. There was something different about his face; something had changed in his eyes. She couldn't explain it.

"Please tell me this isn't true," she whispered, her heart breaking right before him, "tell me he isn't right." She held the scarf out in front of him. "This is Molly's. But this _can't _be Molly's." her voice grew angry "because if it is then it means he has been telling me the truth all along," she swallowed, "and everything you've said to me has been a lie."

With one single motion Gene smashed her heart into pieces. No longer able to look her in the eye he turned his head away. Whether she was dead or alive out there that action was the final nail in the coffin for their bond. Whatever the state of her body back home, she may as well have died right there and then.

"I'm alive," she whispered, trembling as she spoke so softly, "I knew it… I _knew _I was…." as though trying to talk herself in and out of the truth at the same time she stared at the watch on Keats's wrist. "But the time…"

"A watch is just a watch, Alex," Keats told her, "cogs and hands. Do you really think it would stop just because you were dead or alive? It doesn't mean anything."

"But I saw the time, out there…" Alex tried desperately to backtrack. Her mind was screaming at her to remember Gene's avoidance, to take note of the look upon his face but her feelings for him tried to fight against it. "In my hospital room. That… that was _weeks _ago…"

"Time is relative," Keats stepped toward her, "weeks may have gone past for _you _but out there - for your _body _- you've been suspended in one second, waiting for you to make your decision."

Alex's eyes turned to him; wide, pleading for answers, scared of the truth.

"What decision?" she whispered..

Keats placed his hands on his shoulders and stared into her eyes.

"You already know."

"Whether to stay or to go home," she whispered, more as a statement than a question.

"Reality or dystopia," Keats shifted on the spot as he leaned so close that his forehead damn near pressed against hers.

"Life or death," Alex's voice cracked.

Keats stared her in the eye.

"Your flesh and blood," he said, turning his head a little and almost spitting in Gene's direction, "Or _him_."

He made the word sound like poison. Alex's eyes turned to Gene. His expression was darker and emptier than she had ever seen. He didn't look like the strong, brash man that she had grown so close to. He seemed like a far weaker person, as though Keats or the truth had sapped him of his strength.

"Please tell me, Gene," she begged him with her eyes, "just tell me the truth. Am I still alive?"

She saw him swallow. That was as much as she needed.

"Bolly, come here," he murmured as she shuffled towards her but she took a firm step back.

"You were going to let me give up and walk away," she whispered, "you told me to go. You sent me to walk through that door. You were going to take away my life…." one tear fell from her eye and rolled at speed down her soft, cold cheek as the chilly evening air almost froze it to her face. Suddenly the deepest sense of betrayal began to filter through her bones. It wasn't just that Gene had stopped her from returning home but he had sent her away… she knew that she had strong feelings for him as heavily as she may have denied it, even to herself, and she'd thought maybe he had some kind of feeling for her too. But maybe she'd been wrong. If he cared then why send her away so callously, with barely a word? He was so cold, so unfeeling. If his feelings were preventing him from letting her go home then why send her away? Why not ask her to stay by his side, to work together, to come to know each other on a deeper level, to see what they might have become? "_Why_, Gene?" her voice was almost inaudible and her face furrowed with the worst pain of her life. "You didn't want to send me home… but didn't want me to stay with you _either?" _she looked him straight in the eye and he had to look away,

"He was scared of you," Keats told her, "you've been a threat to him from day one."

Alex's eyes never moved from Gene while his never dared to turn her way.

"How…" her tongue ran around her lips. They felt impossibly dry, unlike her cheeks which were beginning to play home to a line of lazy tears that rolled down her cheeks, "how have I ever been a threat to you?" she whispered, "because I found out the truth?"

"That's only one part of it," Keats spoke out. He was in his element, like an actor awarded the starring role in a play, "even in the office you're his biggest threat. Who's going to want a dinosaur in charge of CID when _your _face could be staring out from the glass that keeps the lion separated from the rest of the zoo?"

Alex turned to Keats, confused and alarmed.

"I've never wanted his _job!" _she cried, "Do you really think that's what I want? I want to get home… I want…"

"Molly, I know," Keats nodded.

Alex stared at the scarf in her hands then back to Keats's deep, dark, compelling eyes.

"How could _anyone _even think that I would want to take his place when I've been fighting so hard to get home to my little girl?" she breathed, her voice edging a little louder with every word, "I don't belong here… I never _have_…" she turned angrily to Gene. "I was _never _a threat to you. The only thing that's ever threatened your rein over the station are your quick fists and catalogue of misogynistic insults!"

As she watched, Gene turned his head around very slowly to face her. His expression was darker than she had ever seen. He looked like a lost and angry child who'd been accused of something that he wasn't guilty of doing, a child who'd had his backside beaten for the trouble. For a split second as he looked at her she felt her stomach violently churn and her heart burned as though someone had split it right down the middle with a poker from the fire. She gave an actual gasp and trembled just a little, taking a step back as though his stare alone could send her to the grave. Perhaps it _could_. She felt as though she didn't know anything for certain now.

"Are you really going to take the word of a man who subjects an innocent car to an hour and a half of Andrew Ridgeley's musical talent, Bols?" his question was disguised as humour but hurt and anxiety still showed through. It pained Alex to admit that this wasn't the Gene she knew; the Gene she'd _thought _she knew at any rate.

"Are you really going to take the word of a man who had a gun aimed at your head while you knelt beside his shallow grave, digging up his decaying body?" Keats countered.

"_Jim!" _Alex's eyes were wide but his shock tactics had already had an impact on her, that was something that she couldn't deny.

"He's been lying to you for three years."

"He'd _forgotten!"_

"He couldn't have forgotten _everything_, though, could he?" Keats' stare fixed itself upon Gene, "he remembered enough to chase you to Farringfield Green. He remembered enough to know there was something there you shouldn't see."

One again, as much as she tried to deny them, Keats's words spoke to Alex deep inside. She turned to Gene again, his expression as stricken as it had been the second she passed him the warrant that exposed his whole existence; the whole nature of his world. She closed her eyes for just a moment as she heard her pulse ringing in her ears and swallowed. In the distance she thought she could hear a long tone, like a heart monitor flat-lining. Was that _her? _She breathed in deeply as she heard a voice somewhere in the recesses of her mind -

"_Losing her -"_

Her eyes opened wide and focused on Gene. They were both right, Gene _and_ Keats. She was dead out there, yet still alive. Her life was hanging in the balance. At that precise moment there was every chance she could be revived but every chance that she could let go. Her heart was racing and her limbs began to shake.

"_I'm dying," _she breathed, her accusing glare fixed upon Gene, "not dead, but _dying. _I still have a chance," she turned to Keats, "I can get back." she waited, hoping that someone one would help her, that one of them would tell her what to do but two faces stared back at her, both contorted with different emotions, both torn in the moment. "_Please_," she turned desperately from Gene to Keats and back again, "Tell me what to do… how can I get back? How can I wake up? How can I… how can I make them _listen_?" her eyes were wide and her mouth struggling to form a coherent thought, "I _have _to get back," letting the precious scarf fall to the half-frozen ground she lunged forward and grasped Gene firmly by his collar, "_Please_, Gene, _help _me… if I ever meant _anything _to you, help me now. I have to get back, I need to be with my little girl." she watched Gene's face darken as his eyes moved downward, fully unable to meet her gaze. "I need to get _home! _Tell me _how!" _Pulling him hard towards her she screamed into his face, "_Tell me how to get back!"_

As silence and a stony glance greeted her, the bottom fell from whatever remained of her world and in the silence another voice spoke out; a voice that left her chilled but offered the only exit route from the world that had all but consumed her.

"It's very simple, Alex," Keats stepped towards herm hands in his pockets, coat draped around his form like a cloak over his bones, "the answer is easy."

Alex felt her grasp over Gene falling away as her fingers slipped from his lapels and with a trembling body she turned to Keats slowly.

"_H-how?" _she whispered, choked by desperation, "what do I have to do?" she paused and waited, desperate for him to speak again, "Tell me how to get back, Jim… I'll do _anything_. You _know _that I would. Her eyes spilled over ferociously as she moved towards him and begged him, "please help me. That _is _what you were here for, wasn't it?" she tried to convince herself as much as anything, "to help me home?"

Keats looked subdued quite suddenly. His eyes turned their focus to the ground as he murmured.

"You need to end this, Alex. You need to take action. You need to take a life to get your own back again."

His expression disturbed her as she stared at him and felt a tremble deep inside.

"I have to… _kill _myself?" she whispered slightly incredulously but her stare was met with a shake of his head.

"No," he breathed, "not yourself. But you need to cut the circulation to the growth that's keeping you here."

"What?" her expression was frantic and tortured, "Jim, I don't _understand."_

Keats's eyes moved to Gene.

"It's _him_, Alex," he told her, "he's the one keeping you here. You know that already, I know you do, deep down. He's the one who's blocking your path home again."

"But what -"

"He's the _one_, Alex," Keats cupped her faced and stared into her eyes, "he's the one tying you down. You need to cut the ties. Slit the veins. " he swallowed as he carefully watched her expression, "he needs to die." he stared her right in the eye and pressed his forehead right against hers, "if you ever want to get home to Molly then he has to die. If _he _doesn't… you _will"_

With a gaping jaw and desperate eyes Alex turned to Gene, begging with him silently to take away Keats's words. It _had _to be a lie. It couldn't be the truth.

But as she took in the silent expression of devastation on Gene's face, suddenly nothing had seemed more like the truth.

The exit sign was painted clearly for her to see, and it was written in the blood of her Guv


	2. A broken glass for us to hold

_**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and a huge thanks to those of you who have reviewed. This has turned out far longer than I anticipated and Is definitely a three-shot so here's part 2! Please let me know if you have enjoyed this so far, I really appreciate it**_

_**~xXx~**_

Alex's eyes turned from Keats to Gene. The words were so shocking that they felt a little too powerful and almost held no meaning. She could no longer feel the freezing air against her cheek or the warmth that seemed to radiate from the pub behind her. Her mouth hung open just a fraction and her legs barely held her upright. There was a pain inside her as her stomach twisted and churned with the thought that the only way home was to put a new twist on the saying '_dead man's boots'._

"I don't believe you," she found herself whispering. Her eyes fixed on Keats, finally choosing a target for their desperation, "It's ridiculous, it's -"

"As ridiculous as an afterlife exclusively for coppers?" Keats raised an eyebrow just a smidgen, "think about this, Alex. Think very carefully. How tangible do you really see this place?"

Alex tried to shift the lump in her throat as she swallowed.

"A damn sight more than I used to," she said, trying to keep her voice as level as she could.

"You're in a coma," Keats spoke to her firmly, "you know that. You can hear them out there, can't you? Hear the doctors." She stared at him as though for the first time someone had truly acknowledged her situation, and nodded, her lips slightly parted by the words that wanted desperately to escape, "what are they saying, Alex?" his tone became more urgent., "what are they telling you?"

Alex closed her eyes for a moment.

"They said," her voice was quiet but desperate, punctuated by sobs that were trying hard to escape, "they said they were _losing _me."

"So what are you going to do now?" Keats challenged, "is this the time to let go or to fight?"

"_To fight," _Alex whispered without hesitation.

"Then _do it," _Keats's eyes bore deep into her soul, "you said you would do anything, now prove it. Take the final step. Make the decision."

"This can't be the only way," Alex's eyes moved back to Gene as he stood there, strangely silent, almost frozen to the spot, "I couldn't do that. It can't… I don't understand how that would -"

"Listen to me," Keats grasped Alex's hands to look her deeply in the eye, "your friend Sam Tyler. How did he go back?"

"_What?" _Alex's head was in a spin. Just the day before Keats had been leading her to believe that Gene had killed Sam, why was he bringing him up again?

"He tried to bring him down," Keats explained, "he almost did. But that _demon _over there," his glare moved across to Gene whose expression finally changed, aiming a glare of angry distaste back in Keats's direction, "_that _devil on his shoulder whispered into his ear one time too many and he found himself jumping over the edge to get back here. Don't be fooled too. You are so much better than that. You're the best of all of them. You don't belong here."

Alex knew that the lump in her throat wasn't going anywhere as she tried yet again to swallow it down. She knew Keats was right, she _didn't _belong there and she needed to get home. She had someone waiting there; a daughter she'd fought so damn hard to get home to. But as she turned to Gene she couldn't imagine how Keats' words could ever be true. Yes, she was in a coma but she'd come to see the world as something more than a dream or a hallucination. Now that Gene had explained it to her she understood so much better.

_Gene_. The Manc Lion. The one who's been her rock and her constant. So why was he behaving as though someone has shorn his mane?

He stood there in silence, eyes still fixed on Keats with a silent, stony glare.

"Gene?" she whispered. She noticed that her voice addressing him caused him to flinch but he didn't turn her way, "Gene, talk to me."

She waited for him to speak up but the words were not forthcoming, He stayed standing still, his eyes moving from Keats to a spot in the ground as he shuffled his feet and scraped his toe on the road.

"Cat got your tongue, Hunt?" Keats spat, his face creased up with venomous intent, "can't think of a way out this time? Silver tongue letting you down?"

"Gene, _please_," Alex ignored Keats completely and spoke right to Gene instead. "Tell me there is no truth behind this. Tell me you haven't been the one to keep me here. Tell me that's not how I will get home." his eyes moved to her for just a moment, spilling facts that Alex suddenly didn't want to know. "Because there's someone waiting for me out there," she whispered, "My daughter. Because she's..." her eyes began to fill up all over again, "she's only _young_, Gene. She needs me. I promised her that I would be there to blow out the candles on her birthday cake…"

Gene's silence stung Alex harder than anything she had ever felt before. Of all the things she had heard and leant that day the silence was so much harder to bear than anything Gene or Keats had said aloud.

"He knows that already, and he could have let you go at any time," Keats told her, "but he didn't. Now you need to act fast if you ever want to get home."

"Jim, stay out of this," she hissed angrily and glared at him for a moment which seemed to spark a wave of anger across his face.

"_Fine_," he said, holding up his hands, "I'll stay out of it, shall I? because _he's _so forthcoming with answers, isn't he? Face it, _DI Drake," _he somehow made her name and rank sound like an insult, "if you left it to _him _to give you the truth you'd be drawing your pension and still waiting. Which, by the way, is about all he is good for." he jabbed a finger in Gene's direction.

"Jim, _stop _it," Alex hissed angrily. She couldn't listen to any more of his vicious words and took broad steps towards Gene. The hardest blow she'd ever felt in her life came as he dropped his eyes to the ground and moved away from her. "Gene?" her heart began to break, "Don't do this to me. Don't walk away from me now. I need answers." she paused as the single flat tone grew louder inside her head, "you _owe _me answers! I have to know… I need to know if this is true. I need to know how _much _is true. How can I get back home, Gene? It can't be… _his _way back… that _can't _be true." Her stomach flipped violently as she saw his head droop and his eyes darken. "I have to…" her voice trailed away. She couldn't even say it.

"He's in your head, Alex," Keats told her.

She spun around with desperation plastered across her face.

"he's as real as _I _am!" she cried.

"Is _this _real?" Keats indicated the world around them, "is this the world you were born into? The one you grew up in? the one where you've got a bandage round your head and your daughter is waiting by your side for you?" he noted that Gene gave a disgruntled noise and his face took on an ashen hue, "something you want to say, Gene?" As he watched Gene's expression seemed to freeze up again and he turned his face slightly away. "No, didn't think so," Keats continued,. He looked back to Alex. "Come on, use that brain of yours. You always believed you could find your way out of this place. You always believed your brain was the key. Now use it to work out who to believe here. Who to trust. _Me; _someone who led you right to the truth, who gave you proof; real, solid proof that you can get home again, who has been there beside you from the minute you woke up from the coma that _he _put you in when he saw fit to fire a bullet in you. Or _him_," he nudged his head towards an ever-darkening Gene, his face screwing up with disgust, "a man who had lied to you and misled you for three long years, who's kept you here against your will… like a _prisoner_, Alex. He couldn't have made a better attempt at kidnapping you if he'd tied you to the fence post!"

"But he's still real," a large, solitary tear fell from her eye, skimming her cheek before it fell to the ground, "whatever he may have done to me -" she watched Gene flinch as though her words had stabbed him in the chest - "he's as real as I am."

"He's in your head!"

"His _body _is lying in a _field_!"

"_Exactly! _He's _dead!" _Keats's eyes grew almost manic as he spoke with determination, "he's dead , so how can he be real? He's a _ghost_, Alex. He's a ghost inside your head. You need to exorcise him and then you'll get back to your daughter."

"Yes, that's right." Finally Gene spoke. After his extended silence it came as a shock to hear his voice and stopped both Alex and Keats in their tracks. Two faces turned to him as he continued. "I'm a bloody ghost. I walk through walls and hover three inches above the ground." he watched Keats roll his eyes at his childish words, "I've got a sheet at 'ome with eye'oles that I keep for special occasions."

"You _see?" _cried Keats, "you trust _this _idiot over the word of a man who has been nothing but… honest and professional and…"

"As professional as the punch to me guts?" Gene reminded him, "or the bloody nose you sent me back into CID with? Very professional."

"Top notch work by _your _standards, surely, Gene?" Keats chanced a gloating smile.

"_Stop _it!" Alex cried, "just stop…" her eyes turned from one to the other, then back at the pub behind her. In her head she could hear the sound of doctors talking apace and the long, flat tone grew louder until she almost couldn't bear it. "I need to get back! I have to get home. I've been fighting for three long _years!" _She stared into Gene's eyes. "I don't believe him, Gene. I don't believe that I have to kill you. I don't believe that's the only way. So tell me how to get home." But he just stared back at her, his sudden burst of conversation over, "come on… it's all over now," she glanced back at the Railway Arms; its eerie glow just beginning to fade a little. "I know the truth now. And whatever your reasons for trying to send me away…it doesn't matter," she looked at him as sincere as she could, even though that was a lie. Of _course _she cared why he'd done that. Of _course _it mattered. She was hurting and angry that he had done such a thing when he clearly knew that she was still alive but this wasn't the time. She knew she had to act quickly. "All that matters is that you do the right thing now."

His eyes filled with shards of hurt.

"The right thing?" he echoed. She stared at him expectantly, not really seeing how her words had affected him.

"_Yes."_

Gene closed his eyes momentarily, thrust his hands into his pockets and nodded angrily. He fought desperately to keep his emotions in check as he continued,

"So what have I been doing all this time," he finally looked her in the eye, "if I haven't been doing the right thing?" he watched her expression falling as she began to realise that she'd said the wrong thing, hurt him with some thoughtless words that she didn't really mean, "I've only protected you. Only saved your bony backside more times than I can count on all me digits. Backed you up when all the world saw was a short skirt and a fancy pair of puppies."

"When did you _ever _do that?" cried Alex, "you saw exactly the same thing!"

"At least I had the decency to comment to yer face instead of behind yer back!" For just a moment the old Gene was back, as though whatever had put the silencers on him had faded but all too soon his expression changed and his eyes grew distant and morose once again. "I've listened to yer female psychiatry spoon-bending mind control day and night for the last three years. I've filled yer glass with the red stuff more times than _he's _shoved pencils up his arsehole." he found himself unable to look her in the eye any longer. "No. _That's _not the right thing, is it? Should have just kicked you out onto the curb and told you go get a job behind the counter of bloody British Home Stores, putting yer highly honed detective senses to work figuring out whether the bird handing you the cash can really fit into the skirt you've shoved in a bag or if she should have bought the bigger option after all."

"That's not what I meant," Alex's voice wavered, "of course you've done… that is… you've been…" she swallowed, "you've been my best friend," she whispered, "_more _than that. But you stopped me from going home."

Gene stared at the ground.

"Bolly -"

"You kept me away from my daughter…"

"Bols, listen."

"You _knew _how much I missed her. You _knew _I needed to get home. You made me feel like a fraud and a liar when I tried to tell you who I am. And now I find out…" she flinched as she recalled that one word that had caused her more pain than she had ever felt before; '_Go' _- "Now I have discovered that you're the one who has been holding me back all this time… that you almost sent me away to stop me from ever going home. It makes no sense to me, either… why would… why would you ever have done that?"

"Good question, Alex," Keats spoke up, walking slowly towards her, one methodical footstep at a time, "that's a very good question and let's see him answer you. He stared at Gene with a sarcastic smile and eyebrows raised above his head. "No? Not going to tell her?"

"Don't keep proving him right!" Alex urged Gene, "if you hate Keats as much as you always said -"

"Oh it's _Keats _now is it?" Keats gave a frown, "whatever happened to Jim?"

"- then tell, me the truth and help me to go home," Alex carried on.

"You're not going home," Gene said in a monotone voice, turning around slowly.

"What?"

"I said," he turned slightly back to her without ever looking directly at her, "you're not going home, Bolly. Whatever he says. That doorway is shut."

"_Don't listen to him," _Keats urged, "think about it, Alex. Think of the scarf. How did it smell?"

"You're gone out there. You fought hard but it wasn't enough," Gene's voice lacked its usual power as Keats spoke all over him.

"It smelled like Molly, didn't it? You could smell her soap and her shampoo."

Alex's eyes tore from one to the other, a terrible sense of confusion filling her bones.

"I just…" she began, clutching her head as the sound of the fat tone became too much to handle, "just want to go _home!"_

"Then _do it, _Alex," Keats urged her on, "you just have to do _one _thing."

"I can't kill Gene!"

"Why not?"

Alex's mouth hung open.

"Because he's -"

"He's what?"

Alex's lip trembled as she swallowed back her words. She knew what she wanted to say but somehow this seemed like neither the time nor the place, all things considered,

"Don't say it, don't think it, just go," Gene commanded, his finger aimed squarely at the doors of the Railway Arms and with his words he killed her inside all over again.

"Telling me to go, _again?" _Alex cried.

"_Yes!" _Gene's anger seemed out of place and unwarranted to Alex.

"_Don't shout at me!" _she cried.

"Then drop yer own voice, bloody shrill woman!"

"You just told me to go!"

"You listened to me the first time."

"I _trusted _you then!"

"You don't trust me now?"

Alex stared at Gene, breathless from the argument. She felt a crushing symphony of emotions all at once as the look on his face began to eat away at her. She felt much guilt. She had never meant to cause him pain and she regretted her words immediately but as she tried to take them back she realised she couldn't. She'd meant them, every last one. _Shit_. She hated herself for that but deep down her trust had been shaken, first by all the secrecy, then finding out the truth and then by realising how little he had ever really told her and now by the latest revelation; that she was still alive and Gene had been the one stopping her from going back. On top of that she could not understand his behaviour, telling her to go. Not only did it make no sense but he refused to even explain it.

Her lips moved silently as she couldn't quite express the thoughts troubling her mind. She turned back to Keats who was staring at her encouragingly, coaxing her with his eyes to be bold and speak up.

"I…" she whispered, "I don't… don't _know_…"

"I thought you and me were stuck together like props in a bloody superglue advert," Gene's voice seemed disturbingly weak.

Alex swallowed.

"_Me too," _she whispered.

"He put a gun to your head, Alex," Keats reminded her, "he saw you kneeling there in the mud, digging up his bones and he threatened to _shoot _you."

"I know," Alex began to shake from head to toe.

"He was going to do it too."

"But he didn't!"

"He would have _killed _you!"

"He didn't _do _it! He might have threatened but -"

"Is that the kind of person you trust,, Alex?" in Keats's frenzied state foam appeared in the corners of his mouth and he spat as he cried, "a person who'll point a gun at you without thinking of the consequences? Someone who'll go to that extreme to keep the truth from you?"

"He didn't _know! _He'd _forgotten!"_

"Then what about trying to send you away? Eh?!" Keats cried, "what about commanding you to walk through those doors? One step in _there_ and you'd have been dead out _there_. Is that what you call a trusted friend? Hmm?" he watched her expression straying to fall as she thought about his words. "Really think about this. Think about everything. How many times he's lied to cover up the truth. Why did he never tell you about Sam Tyler? Why did he shoot you in the stomach?"

"That was an accident, he -"

"He's not _that _bad a shot, even _you _can see that!"

"He didn't -"

"He already tried to get rid of you once!" cried Keats, "and he's just tried to get rid of you again! He'll do _anything _to stop you waking up and going back home!"

"No, he-"

"_No?" _Keats cried, "You don't think so? Then ask him, Alex. Ask him why he tried to send you away. Ask him why he stopped you from going back to Molly." he watched her staring at him silently. "just ask him. See how much you trust him then."

Almost reluctantly Alex's eyes moved to Gene. She wished she could tell Keats that she simply trusted him without question but after everything she couldn't be certain that Gene was telling her the truth. Closing her eyes so that she wouldn't have to look at his face she found herself whispering,

"Why, Gene?" There was silence that followed her question and she couldn't say that it was unexpected, as much as that pained her. She opened her eyes and looked at him, as he seemed to shrink before her gaze. "Why did you stop me going home? _Did _you stop me going home?" Gene's silence told her far too much. "Come _on_, Gene," she urged, "Just… just _talk _to me.. Whatever it is… whatever's behind it, if you just tell me then I -"

"You'll roll over and take it?" cried Keats, "how many times is he going to lie to you?"

"Gene and I -"

"He's treating you like _shit _and you're _letting _him!" cried Keats, "make your decision, Alex. What's it going to be? Home to Molly or your life _ended _by this… half-pickled relic?"

Catching Alex by surprise, he reached into his coat, pulled out a gun and thrust it into her hands. It happened so fast that she barely had time to grasp the weapon before it fell to the ground but she just about wrestled it into her grip.

"Jim, I don't want this!" she cried but Keats fixed her hands around the weapon.

"This is your moment, Alex," he said urgently, "you know it's coming, You can feel it."

Alex stared at the gun in her hands, then back at Gene. His expression was unreadable. It was intense and afraid, but not of the weapon. He was scared of something more than that. Of what? The truth? Running from the truth hadn't done him much good so far.

"Just _tell _me, Gene."

Alex was as shocked as anyone to hear herself asking that question, even more so for the fact that the gun was still clasped in her hands. Gene found himself swallowing.

"Tell you what?" he tried to sound defiant but instead he sounded defensive.

"We've come this far," she whispered, the moment finally caving in on top of her, "so tell me what you're keeping from me. Why won't you let me go home?!" More silence. That was the _last _thing she wanted . It only went to add credence to Keats's words. "Why did you try to get rid of me?" she tried, her voice edging upwards in tone and volume with every word, "Why did you point your gun at me, Gene? Were you going to shoot me? " she swallowed, "_again?" _she felt herself trembling as the truth began to dawn in her, that Keats may have been right. "Why did you shoot me Gene? I-I know you said it was an accident but…" she watched a look of horror pass over his face, "it all happened so fast, and Jim is right… you're usually so accurate… I… don't really remember it clearly… I'm not sure how it could have happened…" his silence had left the realms of being frustrating and was clearly angering her by now. "Just _answer _me, Gene," she found herself starting to yell. With more silence, something snapped inside her "_Answer me!" _she screamed, gripping the gun and unintentionally aiming it right at him.

She hadn't meant to. She never would have done it intentionally, not in a million years. But her anger had boiled up inside her to a point where she found herself responding in a way she never thought she could. The agony inside her head as the tone grew even stronger and she heard doctors preparing to shock her chest forced her to grip the gun hard and to keep Gene in her line of sight. She was desperate. She was scared. She didn't know what else to do.

She was caught in the stare of two vastly different expressions: Keats; enthralled, enlightened, awash with hope, and Gene; empty, hollow, distressed - but most of all betrayed.

He stared right into the barrel of her gun, knowing that he'd made her do exactly the same not all that long ago.

"What good am I going to do flapping me lips," he began, "when you've already got me cards marked?"

"I need… I need to hear it from you…" Alex panted desperately, "I need you to tell me the truth."

"You don't need to shove Jimbo's gun down my throat," Gene growled.

"Well you don't seem to be answering me any _other _way!" Alex cried, tears spilling over and rolling angrily down her cheeks. Somehow the gun in her hands had given her a new sense of strength and something inside her changed. All the resentment, all the distress she felt at being kept apart from her daughter began to overflow and as her hands threatened to tremble she overrode them and held them firm. "_Answer _me, Gene!" she cried, "I need to go and I need to go _now!"_

"_Charging…."_

"_And clear…"_

A searing pain rippled through her chest. It was all that she could do to keep on her feet and hold the gun steady as she kept her eyes on Gene, her stare becoming strained as the pain radiated through her body. Gene watched her flinch and saw her pull her gun-clenching fists back to her chest.

"You need to stop thinking so much, it's giving you a bad case of indigestion," he said but his voice was much quieter than he was anticipating and he was shocked by how empty he sounded.

A hand came to rest on Alex's shoulder.

"_Come on, Alex," _Keats breathed urgently, "You're almost there. You can do it. Make your move. _Do it. _Do it, Alex. Go _home. _Go back to your little _girl."_

"_Shut up," _Alex barked, Keats's mumbled encouragement an unwanted distraction.

"_Charging again…."_

_._

"_Clear -"_

A second powerful jolt came through her chest. She gasped and closed her eyes in agony, begging silently to find herself back in her hospital bed when she opened them again but she found herself right where she was, still outside the pub.

"_She's not responding."_

"_I am!" _she cried to the voices in her head, "please don't stop! _Please _don't give up!"

"_Mum!"_

The sound of Molly's voice almost took her legs from under her. As it was, it took her breath away.

"_Molly," _she breathed.

"_Mum!"_

Her voice sounded so close, so real It sounded as though it came from right behind her, as though her daughter was only feet instead of years away. The sound of her voice gave Alex's heart more of a jolt than the defibrillator could ever manage. Her face creased with anguish and her glassy eyes focused on Gene.

"_She's calling me," _she whispered. She watched Gene shaking his head and the motion angered her. "She _is!" _she cried, "I can _hear _her! And I have to get back to her. I can't let her down again.

"Alex," Gene's voice broke as he said her name.

"You have to let me go home," she growled through gritted teeth.

"_Yes_, Alex," Keats urged, his voice becoming increasingly intense, "_come on_. You know what you have to do."

"Shut _up," _she hissed, unable to take the pressure of so many voices pulling her in different directions at once.

"Alex, listen to me -" Gene began as the voices in her head spoke up;

"_Should we try again?"_

"_She's not responding -"_

"Yes I _am!" _Alex screamed as the tone grew louder and she clutched one hand to the side of her head.

"_Mummy!"_

"Come _on, _Alex, you're almost _there -"_

"Bolly, put that gun down."

Alex swallowed.

"_this is my last chance," _she breathed her heart pounding as her eyes flicked from Gene to Keats.

"Put it down and listen to -"

"Listen to _me_, Alex, I've had your best interests at heart from the very beginning."

"You've had getting inside her _knickers _in yer heart from the very beginning!"

"_Shut up!" _Alex barked at volume.

"_Mummy!"_

"_Molly!" _Alex cried. She could hear the hum of the defibrillator.

"_Clear…"_

This was it, her final moment. The final second. The final choice.

"_It's not going to work. She's resisting."_

"No I'm _not!" _she screamed to the doctors in her head.

_"Something's stopping her from coming back to us."_

"_It's not! It's not!" _she clutched the gun, the squeal of the machine and the monitor killing her slowly in perfect unison while Keats's gloat and Gene's glower trapped her between two contrasting faces.

"_Put it down!" _Gene barked at her.

"_Take him down, Alex!" _cried Keats.

"…_She's resisting -"_

"Don't resist the urge, Alex - _kill him!"_

"I ca-"

"it's the only way!"

"_Mum!"_

"And -"

Alex's eyes closed tightly as she felt the hum against her chest. This was it. The shock was coming. This was her last chance. For three long years she had been waiting for this moment and now it was here.

"_Bolly!"_

"_I'm sorry," _she couldn't bear to open her eyes. Tightly she clenched her fists around the gun and the moment the shock struck her heart and travelled through her body it brought her finger closing hard over the trigger. The shock in her chest and the power of the gun as the bullet released knocked her backwards and she felt herself falling as the deafening shot made her ears hum and sting.

In the moment that she fell, it felt like silence. Everything seemed to stop around her, stony still. Then she heard the glorious laughter from Keats and the pained gasps and grunts from the man she'd worked beside every day from the moment she opened her eyes on a boat on the Thames in 1981.

As the electricity stopped running through her veins she forced her eyes open, her body crashing to the ground. She saw him, lying there only feet away, the blood pumping from the wound in his chest, tainting his clothes, slowly making its way through the fabric. She could barely move, her whole body hurt and throbbed as she whispered a desperate sadness and felt tears streaming down her face. She caught sight of a shadow heading toward Gene; the devil in a long black coat, hovering over him to take what no one should have ever stolen; the strongest of souls.

"_Mum!"_

"_Molly?" _Alex's lips barely moved as she heard her daughter's voice again and the strongest, whitest light came upon her. It surrounded her. It filled her sight her mind, her heart. It felt so strong and powerful. She could feel the pull, taking her away from the world. _Up, Over. Out._

"_Mum! Mum!"_

_Molly, _Alex could no longer speak but her thoughts cried her name with strength, _I'm coming home Molly. I'm coming back to you now._

_"Mum… mummy!"_

She was almost there, she could hear the doctors' voices growing stronger.

"_She's back!"_

"_Well done, everyone, Good work."_

"_She seems to be waking up!"_

"_What?"_

"_Alex? Alex, can you hear me…?"_

_Yes! _Yes, she could hear them!

"_Mum!"_

Molly's voice was desperate but sounded more distant now.

_I'm here, Molly, _Alex thought to herself, _I'm home. I'm back._

"_Mum… don't leave me!"_

Molly's words echoed strangely in the distance as Alex's eyes opened and the brightness of the hospital room overpowered her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear sobbing; wild and angry crying but it was fading away.

"Welcome home, Alex," a smiling face greeted her as her vision slowly began to clear, "you made it, You're back."

_Back. _

She closed her eyes and felt joy surging through her veins. She'd done it - she was home again; back to 2008 and back to Molly.

There were lingering tongues of darkness lapping at her but she blocked them out.

She had to forget Gene and the world inside her head.

_Back to reality._

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N:: There's one more part to come. Thank you for reading **_


	3. And I cut so far before I had to say

_**A/N: the third and final part**_

It was ironic that practically the first thing Alex did after waking up was to sleep. It was a different kind of sleep, of course; a sleep not induced by a near-critical injury and heavy medication but a sleep that took her away peacefully from her wakeful state into a dreamy, drifting, soothing world.

The first few minutes after awakening from her coma had been confusing and overwhelming for Alex. One minute she had been in a world that felt so very real, making a decision that shattered her heart in two; the next, she had woken back in the real world, in a world she hadn't been a part of in what felt like three years to her but in real terms had been merely days.

As the bright white light melted flawlessly into the stark hospital décor Alex tried desperately to work out where she was and what was going on. The walls were white, the ceiling also, and the lights matched too. it was all a little overpowering for Alex's delicate senses and she had to close her eyes at first but no sooner had she closed them than doctors were prising them open again and shining torches in them which kind of pissed all over her point.

The first few minutes were filled with a cacophony of voices, with doctors and nurse talking amongst themselves, marvelling over how the antibiotics had done the trick after all and how lucky she was to have been revived after so long without oxygen. There were certain phrases she kept hearing again and again; _limited rage of motion _was one. Yeah,,she was getting that much, alright. Every time she tried to move it felt as though her brain had forgotten how to talk to her limbs. '_The daughter'. _That was another one she heard repeatedly,. Where _was _her daughter, incidentally? She'd heard her calling her name so clearly, she thought Molly was sure to be beside her when she awoke but there had been no sign yet.

She tried to ask for Molly but aside from moving her lips and her tongue a little she found herself unable to properly speak. The doctors assured her that as time went by she would regain her speech and motion but all she could do for now was to lie back and try to focus on the chaos that bustled around her. Certainly that was preferable to remembering where she had come from. It was preferable to remembering how she had made it home. _Anything _was better than the memory of firing the bullet, the sound of the gunfire, the sight of Gene collapsing to the ground with blood pumping from his torso.

She flinched visibly as she remembered exactly what she had done. Perhaps the world _had _been all in her head and perhaps Gene really _was _just a part of her psyche; a combination of Sam Tyler's comatose hallucinations and the news report that had filtered through to her own subconscious of the police officer whose body had been found . Perhaps _none _of it had been real. But even if not, Gene had meant more to her than she could ever have were times when she thought they were heading towards becoming lovers. Other times when he'd been the best friend she'd ever had. But in the end she had chosen to sever that relationship permanently with the firing of a gun.

She closed her eyes and swallowed as the image of the shadow descending over him played through her mind; the sight of Keats enveloping his body with darkness. He surely was only going to hold him to offer him comfort for his final moments though, right? Because even though Alex had to take Gene's life to get back her own Gene deserved more than to simply fade away. Surely Keats would do nothing but offer him security and warmth in his final moments.

She couldn't even lie to herself. A sudden wash of emotion fell upon her as the reality of what she'd done struck her like an iron in the face. She could see in her minds' eye so clearly the sight of Keats hovering over him. She could see in perfect detail the expression on his face. It wasn't calm and peaceful. There was a gloat plastered across his features. His expression spoke of only malice. She tried to swallow but nausea swelled up inside of her and she found herself choking on bile with nurses rushing to help her deal with the problem.

"_It's alright, Alex," _one of them told her soothingly, "_you've been through a lot, and you've been on a lot of medication. Some nausea is normal, we can give you something for that."_

She kept her eyes firmly closed while her stomach continued to churn angrily. What had she done? The moment had been intense and she'd had little choice. She'd needed to make a fast decision and had chosen the one that led her home. She had to return to her daughter there were no two ways about it, but there was a terrible sense of guilt that wouldn't go away.

_Gene -_

She tried to block out the tears that were filling her eyes. Gene didn't exist. He was a figment of her imagination and the world was nothing more than a creation of her own mind.

"_Alex? Alex!"_

The familiar voice caused her to open her eyes quickly and she tried to gasp as the sight of Evan rushing towards her gave her the first sense of familiarity she'd felt since she'd awoken. His arms stretched around her and he wept against her cheek, whispering apologies over and over again.

"_I'm so sorry, Alex, I'm sorry… I let you down… I've let you down so badly… you and Molly… I should have told you the truth, I should never have let this happen…"_

The feel of his tight hold around her filled Alex with warmth and comfort for a moment but it faded away all too quickly as she remembered what she had learnt in Gene's world about Evan and her mother. She flinched and her body trembled as it all flooded back to her. Suddenly the nausea returned and the nurses flocked around her as she brought up more bile while Evan retreated, looking shocked, and the medical experts attempted to put his mind at ease.

"_She needs her rest, Mister White… perhaps you can come back tomorrow…"_

Alex wasn't sure she would feel any differently tomorrow. _Tomorrow, or ever again. _She knew something now that had changed her whole world. There was only one person she wanted to see and that was Molly. Where _was _she? She turned her head slightly as the nurses finished cleaning her up and tried to whisper her name but her throat was dry and raw from the tubes that had been down there and she couldn't make the words sound right.

"It's alright, Alex," one of the nurses smiled at her and lightly touched her hand "you'll soon be back talking at full speed. But for now just try to get some rest, alright?"

Alex gave something approaching a frown as the nurses left her room. It would be far easer to rest if she could have seen her daughter but she supposed her condition might have been a little scary for her daughter to witness. Maybe waiting a day would be good for Molly. But for Alex, it was yet another day apart, and she'd heard her voice _so _clearly. To have heard her and not be able to see her stung her heart.

_Soon, Molly, _she thought to herself, _they will bring you to me soon. I'll get stronger. I'll get well and when when they bring you here I can hold you close and promise you that I will be OK._

Those were her final thoughts before she drifted into that first glorious, dream-filled sleep.

~xXx~

Sleep really _did _make a word of difference. Alex slept the rest of the day and most of the night, awakening for a short time as her vital signs were checked over and the doctor assessed her progress.

"You're doing well, Alex," he told her as he watched her wiggling her fingers and twist half her mouth into a smile.

"Good," she just about made her word audible and the doctor seemed impressed.

"You're doing an amazing job here, Alex," he told her, "you're a tough thing, aren't you?"

Alex had only one thing on her mind.

"Mols," she whispered.

The doctor stared at her, a flash of anxiety c rossing his ace.

"What's that?" he asked.

Alex pulled together her strength and concentration.

"Molly," she whispered again.

The doctor froze on the spot. His eyes shifted downwards and he took a step towards the door.

"We'll talk tomorrow," he told her, "for now, you're doing well and we are all so proud of your progress,"

Alex scowled as she watched him leave. There was a stirring in her guts of anxiety that she couldn't quite understand. Something wasn't right and there were things she needed to know but for now the doctors weren't talking and she wasn't exactly in the right state to persuade them. What the hell was going on? Had Molly been in the room when she was flat-lining? Was she too scared to go back and see her again? The thought of that strangled Alex's heart. She made a vow to herself that as soon as morning broke she would demand to see her daughter. If she'd been scared of Alex's condition then there was only one thing to do - to show her that she was going to be alright.

But that would have to wait because right there and then the darkness was overtaking her again and sleep descended upon her exhausted body and tired mind.

X

All night long her thoughts burned with fire. Her dreams had taken a very dark turn. Where earlier they had been peaceful and helped her to see that she was alive and recovering they now filled her mind with fury and devastation. She caught glimpses of Gene, his face contorted with anger, sometimes from her bullet and sometimes from something far, far worse. She saw Keats's face looming close by as though he was waiting around the corner to whisper over her shoulder again. She heard gunshots and saw the look in Layton's eye as he held a gun in her direction.

_I'm happy, hope your happy too _-

She awoke with a gasp. Her eyes turned from side to side, her heart racing. She couldn't seem to breathe in fast or deeply enough to calm her nerves.

"Good morning, Alex," a sombre voice told her.

Alex turned to see the doctor who had attended to her in the night. Beside him stood Evan, a sight that turned Alex's stomach on the spot. She did not wish to see him. Not then, not ever.

"_Out," _she whispered.

"Pardon?"

"Evan," she breathed, "_out."_

Evan seemed not to understand as he crouched by her side. He took her hand, veins swollen and tissue tender.

"They… your doctors…" he began quietly, "they asked me to talk to you."

"Get lost."

It wasn't very eloquent but it was all that came to mind. He seemed somewhat taken aback.

"I'm sorry?" he said.

Alex turned her face to him fully and her expression wrinkled with anger.

"My mum," she breathed.

She watched Evan's Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he gave what was almost an audible gulp.

"Layton told you," he whispered, "didn't he?"

Alex flinched.

"No," she whispered.

Evan hesitated. He glanced at the doctor as though he could offer some explanations. Alex seemed to know the truth but if Layton hadn't told her then he didn't know where else she could have heard it. they surely wouldn't have been stupid enough to let her watch the news.

"Your doctor told me you were asking about," he froze as he choked on a word, "_about Molly."_

Alex stared at him.

"Need her," she whispered. Why on earth hadn't they brought her in yet? She was Alex's whole reason for returning.

"How much do you remember?" Evan's voice was weak and low and Alex felt her heart starting to race.

"Remember?" she repeated.

"About Molly."

Alex swallowed awkwardly, her throat still painful. Evan's words made no sense.

"_Where is she?" _she whispered.

She could see Evan's entire face falling. His lip shook as a tear slowly fell from his eye and trickled to the end of his nose.

"She was shot," he whispered.

Alex's hear felt like it ceased to beat and her world failed to exist. Only one word burst through her thoughts.

"_What?"_

"Arthur Layton t-took her… under the…" he flinched and swallowed as his chest rose and fell with staggered breaths, "t-there was a shot and… they said you chased him down…"

Alex's mind froze up in that moment. She zoned out the words that made no sense to her. She felt her head shaking as she replayed the events of that fateful day; Layton grabbing Molly, dragging her away, the gunshot, her relief as Molly emerged unscathed. She remembered calling Evan to pick her up then climbing into her car and finding Layton there behind her.

"_Lying," _she breathed, cutting Evan off as he continued to talk.

Evan froze, his expression crestfallen and devastated.

"No, Alex," he said with fragmented voice, "I'm not. I wish that I _was _because then…" he swallowed. His lungs screamed for air as he struggled to breathe. "then I wouldn't have to… to break the news…" her eyes fixed on him as he whispered, "_she didn't make it."_

"Didn't get shot" she countered, watching the tears rolling down his face and collecting in his beard.

"You found her by the side of the river," Evan whispered, "and you tore off after Mister Layton but you didn't get very far and you hadn't waited for back-up."

"_Molly's alive," _Alex's whispers were gathering strength and volume again now as his words went against everything that she remembered.

"They couldn't stop the bleeding," Evan whispered, "she arrested… they couldn't find a pulse…"

"_No -" _the words were like a foreign language, this couldn't be real -

_Bang._

The gunshot echoed in her mind. She could see herself running towards the sound, as clear as day, but every time she replayed it in her mind the outcome was the same; Molly returning to Alex, unscathed and uninjured. That was the _truth! _That's what _happened! _She saw it over and over in her mi-

_Bang._

A different gunshot now.

Blackness descended over her as her head replayed a different moment; the moment she betrayed Gene, the moment she killed her Guv to get home. And she'd _had _to. She'd had a daughter to get home to.

_Have! I have a daughter, not had…._

"_She's alive," _she croaked, her voice trembling now, "saw her. Came out. Not hurt."

Evan turned tearfully to Alex's doctor for support and the anxious man knelt down beside her.

"Alex," he began gently, "I am so sorry."

"_No," _Alex commanded him to take that back, "_Molly… Molls!"_

"She isn't _here_, Alex," Evan's voice became louder as he cried in anguish, "she's gone."

"_Heard her!" _Alex gasped, recalling those last few moments on the other side as she heard her daughter's voice, "Molly!"

"She died before you were even shot," Evan whispered, his voice shaking, "They begged you by radio… told you to leave him and come back… to be with her as she passed… but you wouldn't stop."

None of this made sense to Alex, _none _of it., her body juddered violently as she replayed the events without variation in her mind. Molly was _safe_, she _had _to be safe, it wasn't possible… they were wrong…

'_Mum… mum…'_

She replayed the echoes of Molly's voice as she'd called for her the day before. It wasn't in her imagination, those cries were so loud, so true. She _heard _her _calling_. She had to be by her bedside.

"_Molly!" _she cried as loudly as her raw throat would allow, "_Molls!" _she turned violently from side to side, suddenly finding control of her limbs as a doctor cried in alarm,

"She needs to he kept calm, her head wound is still at a delicate stage of recovery! She could do real damage!"

"_Molly!" _she cried again, going back over every event from that day.

"Molly isn't here," Evan whispered, "She died and they couldn't… they tried, but.." he flinched, "…and when they had to tell you.. over the radio…" Alex prayed desperately for her body to shut down completely as Evan concluded, "they said that was why you put yourself right in front of him when you found him. That you _wanted _him to shoot you so you wouldn't b-be apart."

"_What?" _Alex shook. She'd done no such thing, he's been in her -

_Bang -_

_The barge. _She could still see he bullet flying at her. See, it was all as she remembered, There was no -

"_Molly!"_

She heard her own voice screaming this time. Well where the hell had that come from?

"_Mum… mum…"_

She could still hear Molly crying her name as she faded back to the real world but worryingly as she replayed the gunshot by the Tames and could see herself running down Molly didn't run towards her. _This _time, Molly did not appear.

Then where…

_Where…?_

_**Bang -**_

The shot on the barge, sitting in fear, trying to talk her way out of it.

Trying to…

A closing of her eyes. A blissful look on her face as he fired thee gun. _Blissful? _Why would she -

"_I'm coming to you, Molly."_

Her eyes opened wide. Where the hell had _that _come from?

She wanted… She _couldn't _have wanted him to kill her, she had been _fighting_…

Shed fought to get home because Molly was waiting, she'd seen her…

She'd _seen _her… in _dreams_…

In the world…

In _Gene's _world…

Little glimpses, here and there.

What was she _doing _there?

What was she…

"_Mum… don't leave me…"_

A terrible pain blasted into her heart as she recalled the final words she'd heard from Molly as she awoke in the real world; her daughter's cries becoming more distant instead of closer as her eyes opened and she found herself back.

"It's not surprising you've forgotten. Alex," Evan said quietly, his face as pale as snow, "you've been through a massive trauma… if not the effects of the bullet then you'll have blocked it out… to cope… to survive… you would never have made it back if you'd known that she had gone, I know that. I know you too well.

"_Molly_," Alex could say nothing but her name, again and again.

"_I'm so sorry," _Evan cried, his tears hot and violent as they rolled down his face.

"_Molly! No!" _Alex's breathing was staggered as she replayed the gunshot again but this time followed the image through as she ran down the steps and turned to where she expected Molly to run out again, just as she did every time the moment ran through her mind. When she didn't, emerge this time Alex kept on running. And there, on the damp floor was the body of her daughter, blood pumping from her torso, soiling her uniform, "_no!" _

Her body started to shake as a call went out for sedatives.

"_This was too much for her!" _Evan was crying, "I _knew _it was too soon!"

Alex could see it all now; she could see her dead daughter lying on the floor, then herself like a bull pursuing a red rag, on the trail of Layton. The moment she found him she'd put herself right in the way of danger, to make sure justice was done. To be sure he would never see the outside world again. The death of a copper as well as her daughter - he would never be released and she could be with her daughter forever.

_Forever _-

But she hadn't died. She was in limbo and she'd gone to another place.

A place where she could never have coped… never have survived unless she blocked it out.

_He knew._

She closed her eyes and thrust back her head against the pillows as agony filled her mind. _Gene knew_. He _had _to have known that Molly was dead all along.

_Shit.._

_SHIT…_

She could hear that final gunshot again and saw Gene falling to the floor, remembering his silence, how hard she had tried to get him to talk.

"_Mummy, don't leave me -"_

Her daughter's words had been fading as she awoke because she was moving further away from Molly rather than towards her. She was moving towards life, not death. If she'd have known… if only she'd _known_,…

"_Gene knew," _she gasped as the full realisation hit. She could see it now, all those moments where he refused to give her the answers, the look on his face as he refused to explain why he'd kept her there, why he tried to send her away.

_The pub._

"Oh my god, _no!" _she cried out as doctors and nurses grasped her limbs to pump something into her veins that would cool her anguish and stop her from thinking and from moving for a while.

Molly had been waiting in there, hadn't she? Waiting for Alex. If she had walked through the pub doors she never would have been alone. Gene hadn't dismissed her because he did not want to be with her he'd made that sacrifice so she could be with her daughter.

"_No!" _she cried as she felt something sharp pricking her vein. It all made sense now. All the things she had never understood. The dreams and the visions of Molly, bringing her into Gene's world - she was there ready and waiting for her mother to join her on the other side. _That _was the reason why Gene hadn't given her the answers she demanded, because he could never have told her that her own flesh and blood, her beloved baby girl, was dead. It was too much, too hard, too painful. And even if he _had_, Alex never would have believed it, just as she hadn't believed Evan. She would have looked Gene in the eye and called him a liar. She'd have fought him, beaten him, taken that gun from Keats far sooner and put the bullet in his chest if it meant getting home.

"Get _off!" _she cried trying to bat away the medical professionals but they were going nowhere as they held her securely, her body beginning to grow still as the sedative did its job.

_Gene knew. _Gene had only been trying to protect her. He had sent her away because he knew she would be reunited with her daughter, while Keats…

The scarf.

_The fucking scarf._

_That _was where he'd got it - from Molly herself, not because she was waiting by Alex's body for her to awaken but because she was there, on the other side.

He got it from her. From Molly… He…

What had he done to her? What had he _done _with _Molly?_

"_No," _she wept, her body growing stiller with every moment until she couldn't move at all.

Her body ceased to function a moment before her mind did the same and in that final moment of consciousness before she was knocked out for the count the absolute truth dawned upon her. Keats had duped her to the Nth degree. He hated seen her weakness and used it to turn her against Gene.

_Gene._

Her Guv.

Her best friend.

The man she thought that perhaps would become so much more.

Absolute anguish filled her body and mind as she realised that Keats had swallowed him up whole; his kind and strong soul, his goodness, the determination to do the right thing even when his methods were more than a little unusual. She knew there was something there. They _both _did, as much as they might have denied it. Another week and she'd have been ripping his clothes off with her teeth.

But she had betrayed him. She had chosen a daughter who was no longer a part of the living world over the trust and companionship of someone she saw as more than a friend.

His silence had been to protect her.

His sacrifice had been to make her happy.

And now it was all over for her. For _him_. When the drugs wore off she would awaken in a world without her daughter. As for Gene? Well, he simply would never awaken again.

And all because the devil had whispered into her ear.

In the split second before the drugs wiped her out and sent her deeply into a nightmarish sleep she saw his face one last time; the anguish, the pain but above that the betrayal.

Layton's bullets hadn't killed her but the look on Gene's face had been potent.

The rest of her life would be spent in pain. And all because the devil in a trench coat whispered the right, pretty little words into her ear.

Her punishment for her mistake would be having to lead the rest of her life, and spending every last second remembering the choice she had made.

She may have blocked out Molly's fate from her mind but sime things she could never forget, as desperately as she might try.

_Why can I not forget how to breathe?_

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: I'm sorry that my usual policy of being as mean as I liked as long as everything was alright in the end does not apply here… and I do feel bad that anyone who's used to reading my other fics was expecting a happy or hopeful ending or at least a little redemption, but life doesn't always have a happy ending and sometimes neither do stories. This was a departure for me and one I am glad I faced and wrote. **_

_**I owe everything, plus an almighty hug of thanks, to Ranty for pushing and encouraging me to write this when I wasn't sure if I should. Ranty, you are the queen of angst and I hope that I've done alright and made you proud! You are amazing and I love you so much x**_

_**I would just like to add that I wouldn't be adverse to writing a sequel but it would take some serious support to do so because I'm not going to bother if no one's going to read, especially with 5 fics to update this week :P**_

_**Thank you so much for reading and huge amounts of gratitude to those who have reviewed, I can't thank you enough :**_


End file.
